The Cringe Factor...

Whilst I am very excited about the big move and all, there is something else that has hit me in the last week, and it's big...the cringe factor hit me.

This stealth emotion is just as real as love or hunger and ultimately it is the ultimate nail in the coffin of any potentially failing relationship. The cringe factor is basically that moment when the thought of your other half, sex partner or general gentleman obsession becomes scary. The thought of them touching you is more upsetting than the thought of the crazy man (with a serious odour issue) on the bus licking your face. That guy you once lusted after begins as a distressing turn off and becomes a gut wrenching, nausea inducing terror.

I experienced this state in some force last week.

For background the gentleman in question has been the object of my desperate and sometimes shockingly self-destructive affections. I willingly allowed Mr X to play my heart like a football for almost ten years...I realise this is excessive but that is testament to the hold he had. I could describe to you any number of times when he dragged me back in, leaving me to desperately hope that he we could work...we never did, we simply had torturous and always emotionally laden conversations which always just left me wanting more.

To explain a little further Mr X is getting married. He has lived with the girl in question for a while now, but that failed to stop us getting down and dirty. I know that many people will judge me for this but I refuse to apologise, I was not the one cheating.

However last week the aforementioned cringe factor set in. The thought of him touching me invoked pure horror and I needed to escape. It's been 10 years but for the first time Mr X lost his shine.

So this post is my proclamation, my statement to the world that I am back, making a fresh start and ready to get down and dirty in New York City...look out the big apple

XOXO

The Packing List...Uniteresting To Anyone But Me

So I'm finalising my packing plans...I've got one large suitcase and one small one in which to fit my entire life for the next year (apart from the few bits I will be giving my brother to bring out with him!

So I've split my entire life into categories:

Work Clothing
Luckily I've spent most of my working life in a semi-smart environment so those bits that still fit me will be coming with me...this is the majority of the stuff I will be taking with me as I will be spending 5 in every 7 days in work, so...

• 10 dresses
• 9 skirts
• 1 pair of trousers
• Not enough tops - I have realised this is a massive gaping hole in my wardrobe...and a pretty essential one at that
• I don't currently own any work shoes because I destroy them all so my intention is to pick up a black pair before I leave and buy the rest there (this is New York after all)
• Hummm...I think that's it, suddenly seems like a very small amount of clothing

Casual
This is a bit harder, I tend to rely on jeans but I'm determined that my New York wardrobe won't solely consist of 'jeans and a top'...hummm, |I will have to come back to you on this one.

I'm also currently fighting my mother on whether it is practical to take 10 pairs of shoes with me, I'm sure it'll be fine!

Electrical items
Basically the only electrical things I have to take with me are my netbook (a life essential), my hair straighteners and there will hopefully be a camera if I can find the money to buy one in time! I don't have an ipod since an evil little robber burgled it from my flat a couple of months ago.

Misc.
So apart from clothes I'm not taking much else. I will take a mug, a LOT of tea bags and plenty of photos. 

I think I can survive without most other things for a year...right?!