The Cringe Factor...

Whilst I am very excited about the big move and all, there is something else that has hit me in the last week, and it's big...the cringe factor hit me.

This stealth emotion is just as real as love or hunger and ultimately it is the ultimate nail in the coffin of any potentially failing relationship. The cringe factor is basically that moment when the thought of your other half, sex partner or general gentleman obsession becomes scary. The thought of them touching you is more upsetting than the thought of the crazy man (with a serious odour issue) on the bus licking your face. That guy you once lusted after begins as a distressing turn off and becomes a gut wrenching, nausea inducing terror.

I experienced this state in some force last week.

For background the gentleman in question has been the object of my desperate and sometimes shockingly self-destructive affections. I willingly allowed Mr X to play my heart like a football for almost ten years...I realise this is excessive but that is testament to the hold he had. I could describe to you any number of times when he dragged me back in, leaving me to desperately hope that he we could work...we never did, we simply had torturous and always emotionally laden conversations which always just left me wanting more.

To explain a little further Mr X is getting married. He has lived with the girl in question for a while now, but that failed to stop us getting down and dirty. I know that many people will judge me for this but I refuse to apologise, I was not the one cheating.

However last week the aforementioned cringe factor set in. The thought of him touching me invoked pure horror and I needed to escape. It's been 10 years but for the first time Mr X lost his shine.

So this post is my proclamation, my statement to the world that I am back, making a fresh start and ready to get down and dirty in New York City...look out the big apple

XOXO