The Co-habitation Question

A big debate rose up from an article in the NY Times several weeks ago about co-habitation and marriage (read the full article here). It suggests that living together before marriage has a negative impact on a marriage. Now I'm not normally one to get all caught up in one of these random slow-news-day debates but this one correlates directly to my own feelings on the subject. So I decided to do a little reflecting on the subject: 

Cohabitation is an interesting phenomena of modern times. Once upon a time if you lived with someone before you were married it was wrong…now the opposite is true. It’s become an expected part of a relationship. Just one stepping stone away from the big one.

When I tell people I don’t want to live with a partner before I’m married I get some extreme reactions. People think I’m insane, hiding something or a religious nut! I’m none of these things (well maybe I'm a bit messy but that's not hidden by not living with someone). I made the decision a long time ago that I wouldn’t move in with a partner until I had a ring on my finger and I continue to think, despite now being one of a minority, that it’s the right thing for me.

Call me crazy but I just don’t want living together be be another stepping stone. I might be an old romantic but I want moving in with someone to mean a life-long commitment. Sharing a home is just as intimate as having a ring on my finger and I want it to be with the right person and not just because it’s cheaper to split the rent. I'm not a car to be test-drove for a period of time. I get that it makes sense but, as this article points out, it tends to lead to couples sliding into life rather than deciding they want to be together. 

Now I'm not saying it can't work. Almost every couple I know, including the best couples I know, lived together first.It's just not for me - and it seems from this article I can't be all wrong.

My expectations of this day may have been ruined by Disney but the way I see it, Snow White didn’t shack up with one of the dwarfs because she’d had a perfectly lovely time living with him and knew they could still get on…she waited it out for her prince…I just don’t buy the cohabitation story that they’re selling.

I’m also not against living with someone. I can’t wait for all the new things that come with settling into a home with someone I’m committed too…I just want to make sure that investment is for life, and if that's a problem they can test run someone else, there are plenty of girls who are more estate-car friendly.